Entry 7

I had woken up well before dawn. The prospect of going into my neighbor's apartment made it hard to sleep. I was trying to prepare for what could go wrong and all the horrors that might await me inside. As I lay there dreading the sunrise I began to ponder "Why?"

My mind wandered back to the events of the last couple weeks. The days before, as some new flu was sweeping the country. Then people changing, no longer being people. Seeing everyone on the streets being eaten alive as I desperately tried to get to my apartment. Knowing as the barricade to a store was overrun, everyone inside was going to die. Hearing the screams of people who made a wrong turn or could not run fast enough. I cannot let myself believe anyone I knew might have survived the slaughter. My only hope is that they died quickly. I would not want them to have to live like this.

Why am I even alive? How was I able to make it to safety when no one else could? What did I do to deserve this? What is the point of even trying? Should I live the rest of my days here alone, just barely surviving, always a miss-step from death? What is the point in even going to the other apartment? I could just open up the front door and go for a stroll and never have to worry about the lights, food, or them. Better yet, I am sure this saw would make quick work of a vein. Deny them the satisfaction of killing me.

Is it wrong to give up? Is it bad I write this in the morning because I am not sure there will be a tonight? If anyone ever finds me I want them to know why so they can understand.

I wish someone was here to help me know what to do and why it mattered. If I was not alone I wouldn't even need them to tell me why, they would be enough of a reason. Is there is anyone left? Am I alone? Is there any reason to go on? I wish I knew if others survived. I managed to make it to safety in the chaos, maybe someone else did too. I just have to survive long enough to find them.

Maybe this won't be my last entry.