Entry 17

Everything was such a haze yesterday I ended up going to bed well before dark. I managed some restless sleep which gave me enough energy for today. I think I had let myself pretend I was simply living alone in my apartment, pushing reality to the back of my mind. Seeing them out there made me remember how real and how horrible it is. Worse of all, it made me think about the day everyone changed. It took some time to come to terms with what has happened. All I have is that I am not one of them; I guess that has to be enough for now.

Food will be a problem. I am sticking to my rationing and even had a bit extra today since I ate very little yesterday. My supplies are still dwindling. After what I saw the other day on the streets there is nothing in the stores worth the risk. No need to weigh my options when one is near certain death and the other is not. Even if I avoided the big group there are still too many. I have no idea if I can take on one, let alone a group. It was an easy choice to go into more apartments instead of the streets.

I really hope the people who lived in the apartments around me liked canned food. I figure if most of the perishable food spoiled, it will make it much harder to find enough food. Luckily, many non- refrigerated foods do not spoil quickly such as cereal and potato chips. It is more likely they will have these instead of cabinets full of canned goods.

My plan is to go into the apartment on the other side of the one I have already gone into. I am pretty sure I have never heard any noises from the apartment on the other side of me. However, I have barricaded myself in such a way that my apartment is supposed to be my last line of defense. If I cut into the apartment next to mine, my last line of defense would be where I store my trash. So continuing in the direction I started seems the best choice. It lets me use the barricades I have already and I can continue with the same type of barricades. Perhaps I could even make that apartment my exit outside.

I have some wood left but not enough to block another window and door. Hopefully, the next apartment will have enough wood; I can set up a temporary barricade while I break down more wood for the permanent barricades. I also can't help but hope there will be a working radio as well as food.

Keeping my mind busy with all the planning and preparing helps me forget how bad reality is. Focusing on moving forward gives me the purpose and motivation to move forward. The need to go through apartments to survive helps keep me alive mentally as well. When I finally do calm down so I can sleep, my mind wanders back to my family and friends. I miss them so much.